Back to the Start
by AshieMac1985
Summary: Loki is back in Asgard and is trying to return to the god he was, not the god he became. Horrid summary, my apologies. Please read the fic, I think you'll like it. Rated T to be safe. Cheers!
1. Chapter 1

**Loki sat outside of his home and stared out in to the surrounding scenery. He wasn't thinking of anything particular, he was content to let his mind drift aimlessly. To be honest, these days, he was just content period.**

When he had returned to Asgard with Thor he had gotten off easy with a stern reprimand from his brother, as Odin had fallen in to the Odinsleep after sending Thor to Midgard. To the anger of the Realm, Loki was then given a home in the secluded forests of Asgard, a second chance at becoming the god he should have been instead of the one he became.

Loki had become rather reflective since then.

He thought of all he had done in his life, the good (what little there seemed to be) and the bad (gods, there was so much bad...). Loki sighed, how could he ever atone for all that he'd done, and he did want to atone, Thor's love and devotion had finally broken the spell the Chitari held over Loki.

He'd done so much harm for so many years...he may look young in the eyes of the Midgardians, but, Odin's beard, did he feel old.

His mind drifted far back into his childhood, before everything went so wrong. He could still clearly see the bedroom he had shared with his Thor when they were small. Thor was up on Odin's shoulders being swung around. He was shouting at his father to go faster, while Loki played with ruin inscribed blocks on the hearth rug.

Odin put Thor down and his large boots appeared in young Loki's view, but just as he moved to pick his younger son up for a turn on those broad shoulders a messenger appeared at the floor and took Odin away on business.

This was long before Loki created and perfected his mask of disdain and indifference that he wore so well as an adult, so he openly showed his disappointment at being left out. Thor moved close to Loki and hugged him, he even tried to lift Loki up on his shoulders until Frigga stopped him.

A slight smile played over Loki's lips, that was Thor, always there for him...even when Loki thought he didn't want him to be.

When Loki had been half mad with pain and plans for revenge, he'd seen this incident as proof that his adopted father hated him from the beginning. But now that he was calmer and more at peace with himself and his heritage, Loki could see that it was no fault of Odin's.

Hadn't Odin tried to make it up to Loki...? There was no specific memory that he could recall to support the feeling that this was so, but the feeling persisted...a mere shadow of a memory.

So lost in thought was Loki that he failed to hear the sound of muffled footsteps on the fallen leaves coming up behind him. Nor did he notice the presence of a man until a large, meaty hand was placed on his shoulder startling him back to the present.


	2. Chapter 2

"I am sorry, Brother. I did not mean to sneak up on you like that." Thor reached out a meaty hand to help Loki up, and to his great joy, it was accepted without the look of indignation that he knew frequently graced that face that he cared so much about.

"What were you thinking on so intensely that you were worlds away?"

Loki considered the question put to him and a frown settled on his porcelain features. Thor's heart sank, sure that this time he'd pried too much into his highly changeable brother's business.

"You look stricken, Brother." Loki said, observing Thor's expression. "I was thinking of a day from long ago, our childhood actually. I doubt you would remember it at all, it wad hardly important. But do you see? I was not worlds away, only a time away." The owners of Loki's mouth twitched up into a small smile.

Thor's heart, which only moments ago had sunk down to his boots, soared. Loki had called him brother and cracked a joke in the same breath, it was nothing short of a miracle in Thor's eyes.

Thor smiled, "Try me, Brother. I may remember the day you speak of."

"We were both quite small when this happened. We were up in our room with Odin. I was playing with blocks and you were riding on his shoulders. It was going to be my turn next, but he got called away...I never got my turn..." Loki's voice grew soft and trailed off. Thinking about this was one thing, but giving a voice to it was quite another.

Thor was concerned, not that Loki would become angry but, at how much this hurt his brother- this memory. Loki drew a deep breath and continued, "I used to hold this against Odin. I thought it proof that he never loved me. But now I see that no one is to blame." Loki looked up at Thor and asked, "Did Odin do something to make up for it? I feel that he did, but cannot give proof of this act."

Thor smiled warmly and put an arm around Loki's shoulders. "He did, Brother. Do you remember the book of spells you received that year on your day of birth?" Thor's smile widened as he watched realization wash over Loki's features.

"That...that was Father?"

Thor couldn't contain himself, he wrapped his baby brother in a bear hug, he was overjoyed at hearing Loki call Odin 'father'. He set the bewildered god's feet back on the ground and let him regain his composure.

"But...I thought Father hated my spells and tricks...?"

Thor laughed, "He hated being the target of them! But I overheard him, more than once, telling Mother how proud he was of you skill with magic."

"I wish he had told me that..." tears formed in Loki's green eyes and spilled down his cheeks as he slowly sat back down on the ground. Thor pulled him into a less forceful hug than before, Loki's head against his broad chest and let him cry it out. Loki was finally letting his true emotions be known after so long, and Thor would be damned to Hel if he wasn't there for his brother he needed him. Thor stroked his hair and whispered soft words of comfort to his brother. He would always be there for Loki, no matter what.

Tear stained eyes looked up into bright blue ones that always seemed to contain a hidden laugh. "...I think we've been hear before, Brother."

"Yes, Loki...I think we have. would you like a ride on my shoulders, little Brother?"

Loki chuckled as Thor's laughter rumbled near his ear. "Ah, no...I think I'm...!"

That was all Loki managed to say before Thor hoisted him up across his shoulders and spun around. They both laughed and shouted as they had as children, before everything went so wrong.

After Thor had bid his brother a warm and fond farewell, his heart swelled with pride, as he reflected upon his brother. Loki was, indeed, becoming the god he should have been from the start.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I know it's short, I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you.

Loki got up from the table to grab another pot of tea for his mother. "Another biscuit?" He asked looking out the window at the gathering dark.

"No thank you, Darling. Would you like to come back to the palace for a few days? I worry about you out here all alone."

Loki smiled and kissed his mother's cheek, "I am fine, Mother, I promise."

Frigga searched his face and found that was not quite true. She reached out to him and he flinched, she frowned.

"Loki, you know I am not going to hurt you..." The sad inflection in her voice pained Loki to his core.

"I know," Loki said softly, bowing his head, "It's a reflex...from my time with the Chitauri..." He shuddered at the memories that he tried so hard to repress. They still managed to seep into his dreams, most nights Loki was glad he had no neighbors to wake up with his screams.

"Come back with me, we can talk. We can do whatever it is you desire."

Loki was torn, he wanted to spend time with his mother, but if he fell asleep he'd most likely end up having to admit to his nightmares and he'd hoped to keep them to himself.

"Really, Mother, I quite like it out here. I have had more than enough of towers and stone walls."

Frigga nodded, understanding what her son was really saying.

"I could always stay here, with you. I am sure no one would mind."

Loki could see no kind way of saying no, he would just have to work hard to keep his nightmare in check.

***LATER***

Loki walked Frigga to her room and kissed her goodnight. "Good night, Mother. I hope you sleep well."

She smiled, "Good night, Loki." Frigga ran a hand through his hair, "I love you, my Son."

"I love you too."

Loki turned and walked to his room. He quietly undressed, put on his night clothes and, upon getting into bed, fell into a deep sleep.

***EVEN LATER***

Loki moaned and thrashed in his sleep, his bed sheets tangling around his legs. "Nooooo...No...Stop! Please...please stop...I will do whatever you want...please...please do not hurt me again...please..." He whimpered in his sleep, tears formed in the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. His voice raised in pitch and urgency, "Please...please, No! NO!" He sucked in a deep breath, "No, no plea- AHHHHHHHHHH!" Loki's scream was full of fear and pain and it brought his mother running to his side.

He woke up cradled in her arms, just like when he was a child. Frigga gently brushed his tears away with the hem of her nightgown. Her expression was one of motherly concern, "Darling, calm down. Just breathe, I am here. I will always be here." Loki wrapped his arms around her neck and clung to her, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair, until he calmed down.

"Sorry, Mother, I did not mean to wake you." He stared at the twisted bed sheets.

"Loki," Frigga cupped his face in her soft hands, "You do not need to apologize. You did nothing to deserve this pain...do you wish to talk about it?"

Loki shook his head sadly, "I cannot, not yet..."

Frigga nodded, "I will be there when you are ready." She rubbed his back as she used to when he was ill as a child. "I will always be there for you." She smiled a small, sad smile and kissed his cheek. "Now, try and go back to sleep. I will stay with you until you do."

Loki opened his mouth to protest but Frigga gently pushed him until he was laying down. His mother was the one person he would never struggle against. She stayed, rubbing his back and singing the songs of his childhood, until he fell into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
